Avalanches of the heart

The heart takes alot…gives alot..

it’s so fragile…yet so strong

I have tried to hate

tried to be steel

tried on your shoes…

size 12

I’ve tried wearing your britches and your everyday

mask that’s a second skin

I have tried to strangle expectations

and snuff out hope

I’ve tried to run through a few of you

and place trophies on my shelf

I’ve tried to deaden my heart

and act as if you’re an afterthought…

that you’re a dime a dozen

and

just

another

bitch

It’s amazing really…

cause my house is different

and not built anything like yours

To do those things…would make me worse than you

The stench and dishonor of denying my identity. ..

The abomination of crushing my own heart

I might as well never have drawn breath

I am not you

I cannot be you

The pigs I’ve thrown my pearls to have caused these avalanches of heart

For the life of me

I can’t help but to hope

in

love

and

I’m

the

lucky

one

I get to shed death suites

And try on love one more time

to be healed in its grace, power and beauty

And u get to die in all your pride, glory and perfect penis…

lot of good it did you in the end.

******Emergency! My friends I need your help******

jazdancesing:

Hello and welcome to my new friends and followers of my blog! I still need your help during this urgent time in my life. Please consider donating any dollar amount to my fundraising campaign. Thanks and blessings

Originally posted on The Deepest Ocean:

Hello everyone! I’ve missed you all so very much!

The time has come where I’m now stepping out on faith, casting my net wide and asking for help. My savings & small financial assistance have now been exhausted. I’ve always been able to be financially independent and take care of myself, plus help others; which is the cry of my heart. I want to get back to this space. The immediate, emergent need is for me to pay my bills, however the page shows details of what every dollar will go to in helping me to service humanity through the divine call on my life through the gifts God has blessed me with. Please consider contributing any dollar amount to this fundraiser for myself as an independent performing artist & part time music student. There are rewards attached to every $10 contribution. My page will show itemization of where every…

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******Emergency! My friends I need your help******

Hello everyone! I’ve missed you all so very much!

The time has come where I’m now stepping out on faith, casting my net wide and asking for help. My savings & small financial assistance have now been exhausted. I’ve always been able to be financially independent and take care of myself, plus help others; which is the cry of my heart. I want to get back to this space. The immediate, emergent need is for me to pay my bills, however the page shows details of what every dollar will go to in helping me to service humanity through the divine call on my life through the gifts God has blessed me with. Please consider contributing any dollar amount to this fundraiser for myself as an independent performing artist & part time music student. There are rewards attached to every $10 contribution. My page will show itemization of where every donated dollar amount will go. Thanks and God bless you.

Here’s my page: @www.GoFundMe.com/85f61g

These Fires

Even if I die lonely, you haven’t earned the right to rummage through my soft spots and plunder my insides.

There is nothing free in this life. And surely not my heart.

You just missed the yard sale though. Should’ve been around when I was giving me away.

But I gave it all to empty holes. Black holes. Black souls.

You missed the hoe-down!

Don’t you know I can smell your temporary?

That night when we kissed, I was fully open & accessible…you couldn’t even meet my eyes cause you knew you hadn’t earned none of it. I’m sure you smelled my desperation.

I had enough fight in me in those few moments to end the night

And we keep walking in circles. Keep tiptoeing around these fires. Cause we know it’ll burn us.

I don’t know about you. But it takes me too long to recover.

There’s depression, suicidal thoughts, obsessions & self-hate. That’s what you sign up for when you plunge deep into me. What lasts for minutes, really lasts for ages.

You’ll be my imprint. You’ll be collected and added to the other arrows still lodged in my soul.

I’m sure that’s not what you want, when you squeeze my ass(ets)

You have no idea the sound blood makes when it cries

This is why I’m alone. You wanted to know why. This is why.

You won’t fill my cracks & crevices. You’re not qualified to do that.

So please, keep refusing my advances. And I’ll keep refusing yours.

We going back and forth. But we not going anywhere.

Stay in your corner and I’ll stay in mine

You couldn’t handle this dynamite

and I wouldn’t survive another explosion.

 

Copyrigh2014 by Jaz